To My Friends

I am not someone who has many close friends.

On the surface, I may be chatty and pretty friendly to most people. But I am a very private person. I don’t have the habit of sharing my inner thoughts and feelings with my friends – Not even those who are very close to me. I either keep everything to myself, or I share only with my hubby, who has been my best friend for 20 years.

True friendship is something that happens when two friends share and open up their hearts to each other. When there is no real exchange of feelings and emotions, the friendship usually does not progress to a deeper level. That is the reason why I do not have that many close friends. There are not many people who really know my heart and intentions. Or maybe I don’t make it easy for just anyone to step into my zone.

I therefore consider myself a very lousy friend. I usually do not open up myself until someone first opens up to me. And even when someone does open up to me, I may not be open in reciprocation. In my life though, I have got a handful of friends who love me for who I am, tries to understand me even when they don’t really do, and are willing to go the extra mile for me. Truth be told, I don’t deserve friends like that. I really don’t. Because I don’t make a good friend myself. But I guess, God is so good to me that He places good friends around me who would still rally around me even when I am at my worst. Everyday, I feel thankful knowing that I have friends like that. I am not like my hubby, who seems to have many good buddies and close friends. He is naturally a sociable and very friendly guy, unlike me. I take time to warm up to people, but when I do, I can be rather funny at times and I would like to think that people do enjoy hanging around me.

Over the years though, I think I’ve grown and become better at socialising and making friends. It’s probably a package that comes with age and maturity. Or perhaps a survival skill that I needed to acquire because of my job and ministry. It gets easier for me to make small talk, chat up people I don’t really know, or at least say something sensible without appearing like a fool with absolutely no interest at all. I don’t deny it sucks up a lot of energy from me when I do that, but I actually feel happier at the end of the day. So I guess it’s something good.

A question I’ve always been asking myself through the years is whether I’ve been a good friend. Have I been a friend who listens and empathise? Have I been a friend who can offer advice and solution? Have I been a friend who can offer comfort and a shoulder to cry on? Have I been a friend who encourages and not put down? Have I been a good-enough friend? I guess we can all become a better friend. There is always room for improvement. All the more for a person such as me.

I feel like listing down all my close friends in this entry and thanking them one by one. But then, I thought again and realised I don’t really need to. My close friends should know who they are. If they do not know, they probably are not in my list anyway.

To my close friends:

Thank you for the assuring nod.
Thank you for the timely smile.
Thank you for the unwavering faith.
Thank you for the time you spent with me.
Thank you for not remembering my careless words.
Thank you for accepting me along with my weaknesses.
Thank you for loving me & my family.
Thank you for growing old together with me.
Thank you for sharing your lives with me.
Thank you for believing in me.
Thank you for being my friend.