2011: A Year I Knew God Heard My Heart

It seemed a little late to be reminiscing about 2011 now that we are already at the threshold of the 2nd quarter of 2012. But late is better than never, and a thankful heart cannot be contained. I need to share about the goodness of God in my life.

Truth be told, even though I enjoy being a mum and I love my kids, there were many moments in my life when I felt sad that my life was no longer mine. I could not drop everything and leave for a holiday anytime I wanted. I could not return home anytime I wanted or catch a midnight movie when I felt like it. My life had to revolve around my kids, their timetables and schedules, their likes and dislikes. Even when I order something at lunch, I have to consider if it’s something they would eat.

Deep down in my heart, I always felt this loss that I hadn’t done the thing I really wanted to do, before I had kids – And that is to travel the world. Before I had kids, I didn’t have the time and the finances. After I had kids, I still didn’t have time and the finances. Once in a while when I thought about this, I would feel sad, knowing that I would probably have to wait till my kids are old enough to fend for themselves, before I can think of traveling anywhere.

God, however, had a much better plan than me. He obviously heard the cries of my heart. I didn’t tell any of these to anyone, not even my hubby knows the intensity of these desires. He must have heard me grumbling here and there, but only God knows how much I wished I could go traveling to see the world.

2011 was thus the year that God showed me He is not a God only of yesterday. He is a God who lives TODAY. He is not a God who does not see or hear. He is a God who knows exactly what goes on in my mind and heart. And He wants to bring those desires, however materialistic or negligible they may seem, to pass.

In the 34 years I’ve lived, 2011 was the one I went for the most number of overseas holidays. The best thing was out of the various trips, some of them were free or paid for by others. In one year, I travelled to 5 different countries!

April: Brought Joey to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam
July: Kuan Family went Bali, Indonesia for beach vacation (Air tickets fully sponsored by Jetstar! Wooohooo!)
Sep: Went Taiwan with Jayne, my parents & brother (My brother fully sponsored this trip! Woohoooo!)
Oct: Wedding Anniversary holiday with hubby to Bangkok
Dec: Staff Retreat to Bintan, Indonesia for whole family (Fully sponsored by boss! Wooohooo!)
Dec: Zone Retreat to Pulai Springs Resort, Malaysia

God is good, isn’t it? =)

Year 2012 is going to be an even better year, I proclaim! =D

To My Friends

I am not someone who has many close friends.

On the surface, I may be chatty and pretty friendly to most people. But I am a very private person. I don’t have the habit of sharing my inner thoughts and feelings with my friends – Not even those who are very close to me. I either keep everything to myself, or I share only with my hubby, who has been my best friend for 20 years.

True friendship is something that happens when two friends share and open up their hearts to each other. When there is no real exchange of feelings and emotions, the friendship usually does not progress to a deeper level. That is the reason why I do not have that many close friends. There are not many people who really know my heart and intentions. Or maybe I don’t make it easy for just anyone to step into my zone.

I therefore consider myself a very lousy friend. I usually do not open up myself until someone first opens up to me. And even when someone does open up to me, I may not be open in reciprocation. In my life though, I have got a handful of friends who love me for who I am, tries to understand me even when they don’t really do, and are willing to go the extra mile for me. Truth be told, I don’t deserve friends like that. I really don’t. Because I don’t make a good friend myself. But I guess, God is so good to me that He places good friends around me who would still rally around me even when I am at my worst. Everyday, I feel thankful knowing that I have friends like that. I am not like my hubby, who seems to have many good buddies and close friends. He is naturally a sociable and very friendly guy, unlike me. I take time to warm up to people, but when I do, I can be rather funny at times and I would like to think that people do enjoy hanging around me.

Over the years though, I think I’ve grown and become better at socialising and making friends. It’s probably a package that comes with age and maturity. Or perhaps a survival skill that I needed to acquire because of my job and ministry. It gets easier for me to make small talk, chat up people I don’t really know, or at least say something sensible without appearing like a fool with absolutely no interest at all. I don’t deny it sucks up a lot of energy from me when I do that, but I actually feel happier at the end of the day. So I guess it’s something good.

A question I’ve always been asking myself through the years is whether I’ve been a good friend. Have I been a friend who listens and empathise? Have I been a friend who can offer advice and solution? Have I been a friend who can offer comfort and a shoulder to cry on? Have I been a friend who encourages and not put down? Have I been a good-enough friend? I guess we can all become a better friend. There is always room for improvement. All the more for a person such as me.

I feel like listing down all my close friends in this entry and thanking them one by one. But then, I thought again and realised I don’t really need to. My close friends should know who they are. If they do not know, they probably are not in my list anyway.

To my close friends:

Thank you for the assuring nod.
Thank you for the timely smile.
Thank you for the unwavering faith.
Thank you for the time you spent with me.
Thank you for not remembering my careless words.
Thank you for accepting me along with my weaknesses.
Thank you for loving me & my family.
Thank you for growing old together with me.
Thank you for sharing your lives with me.
Thank you for believing in me.
Thank you for being my friend.